Museum Women: Take Care of YourselvesPosted: December 17, 2018
This is for all the museum women out there because, to be honest, you do a crap job of taking care of yourself.
It’s almost the end of the year. If you’re in academia, you’re either taking exams, finishing papers or grading them. If you work in development, it’s the annual nail biter where you find out if people like your organization more than last year. For some of you it’s budget season or planning season or holiday no-school programming season. Wherever you look it’s stressful. And somehow we women are excellent at owning stress–ours and everyone else’s. Why is that?
As we reach toward the third decade of the 21st century, you might imagine that for women at work things might be better than they were 70 years ago. Not really. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, 74.6 million women work, an increase of 24-percent since WWII; 40-percent of women in the workforce have college degrees; and one in three lawyers are women. Okay, you say, what’s so bad about that? It sounds like progress. And it is except that: Women are the primary or sole earners for 40-percent of households; women are more likely to stop working to care for an elderly family member; the United States is the only industrialized country without a national paid leave policy for mothers; and women are paid less. According to the Brookings Institution’s Hamilton Project, “after adjusting for factors like labor force experience, union status, race and ethnicity, and occupation, much of the gender wage gap remains unexplained, suggesting that labor market discrimination plays an important role. In fact, almost 60 percent of women would earn more if they were paid the same as men with equivalent levels of education and work hours.” All of that is stressful, and that is before you add in the peculiarities of individual circumstance.
Last week our students completed emotional budgets. Essentially they are maps of what’s going on in your life. They chart how you spend your time. They are as different as the people who make them. Some are computer generated pie charts that could have come from Google. Others are the size of wall maps and decorated with glitter. Why do them? Sometimes it’s useful to put your life down in color and confront the fact that if 50-percent of your time goes to your soul-sucking job, 25-percent to being a parent; 20-percent to partner and home, then there is a measly 5-percent left over for you.
And don’t think it doesn’t matter. We all need more than 5-percent. Life is challenging and so are museums. That’s part of why we like working in them. But poor self care makes you mean, and sometimes cranky, and if you’re not nice at work you get a reputation for impatience and snappishness. So what to do? Here are five things to think about as we roll toward the end of 2018.
- You need to take care of yourself. You, your family, and your friends will all benefit from a happier, healthier you.
- Put your health first. Somehow women don’t. It’s something embedded in our DNA that says, I can do this. My temperature is only 101. I haven’t pick one: (thrown up, cried, coughed up a lung) for at least an hour. No you can’t. Stay home. Ask for help. Take care of yourself.
- Give yourself some alone time. Even if it’s only a short walk in the middle of a work day, take time alone. Let your thoughts settle. Regroup.
- My mother used to have a little note near her phone. This was the era of landlines so the phone never moved. The note said, “Say no.” I thought it was hysterical, but in retrospect, we all should have that note. It’s your internal monitor that says, I don’t have time, energy or the skillset to do that. (It also might say, I’m not going to enable you, you do it.) It’s a learned skill to say no nicely, and not to judge yourself for bowing out.
- Make a tiny change. Promise yourself that in the coming year you will do something different that’s just for you. Don’t make it so grandiose that it feels impossible, make it doable. Try a new recipe once a month. Walk every day that it’s sunny. Read a poem before bed. Whatever floats your boat and is for you.
And last, be helpful and supportive to your women colleagues at work. Everyone has bad days. Learning to shoulder stress, individually and as a team, is part of leadership.
P.S. Leadership Matters will be on vacation next week (December 24-30). It will return Jan. 2 with some wishes for the New Year.